When I was a kid, I was a huge fan of G.I. Joe. I watched the cartoon daily and had several toys that I played with all the time.
Like most young males growing up in the 80’s, I was acutely aware of this leather clad super villainess known as The Baroness. Even though I looked forward to her appearances on the tv show, I never bought a Baroness action figure. I guess even then I realized that there was a thin line between…
The dominatrix look is synonymous with sexy, and men are drawn to it like a moth to a flame. In fact, anything involving heels and full body leather gets our heart racing.
As effective as 30 minutes of vigorous exercise.
Oh, my apologies. I’m supposed to be talking about women’s fantasies, not mine.
Wait, I am talking about your fantasies.
We aren’t the only ones who get off on the idea of a strong, sexy, seductive woman. It is a role that women often desire to play.
1. Defining the fantasy
Number two on our list of top 5 female fantasies is “female worship/female dominance”. While these sound like opposite ends of the spectrum, they do exist on the same spectrum, which is based on feminine power. Whether that means being such an overwhelming sex goddess that men throw themselves at your feet, or wielding your power (literally) like a whip, the basis for dominance fantasies is a sense of control.
On one end you have the Cleopatra style “sex goddess” lounging on the bed while a room full of men built like Chris Hemsworth fan you with palm leaves and feed you grapes.
I’ll even dress in costume if it pleases you.
While the fantasy may not actually involve ancient Egyptian themes, the concept stays the same. They cater to your every desire with slavish devotion. On this end of the spectrum, the men willingly subjugate themselves with only one desire; your complete fulfillment and pleasure.
But sometimes we’re bad boys who need to be taught a lesson.
Sometimes we rowdy men need to be brought under control. And that takes a stern task mistress. The dominatrix fantasy focuses on the explicit, overt use of power and control. It’s bending men to your will through restraint, punishment, and even humiliation.
Oh, and knowing they are rock hard; dying to screw you the entire time.
2. What drives the fantasy?
Ladies, you know men want to have sex with you, right? As I noted in the introduction post, our fantasies are quite simple; sex with anything that doesn’t have a penis. (Que up the what about “people of Wal-Mart” rebuttal. Yes, but that exception only proves the rule.)
I realize there are logistical reasons why you might choose not to indulge us, but it is intrinsic to our nature, and yours, that we want to have sex with you. But that pesky thing called life gets in the way and you make decisions about settling down and devoting yourself to a partner and so on.
So life happens and maybe you aren’t feeling quite like the seductive sex goddess you used to be. This is your opportunity to be that amazing succubus you’ve been dying to prove still exists.
One of the best quotes I found on this topic came from an anonymous poster in an article- “I want my husband to romanticize me.”
Or, if you prefer a quote from someone famous; author Madame de Stael said it this way, “The desire of the man is for the woman. The desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
That sums it up well doesn’t it? Women want to know that that they still have the power to sway the men in their lives. You want to know that you are worth the effort for your partner to go to extraordinary lengths to satisfy you.
According to sex researchers Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, that is the appeal of romance novels.
“If the male is so enamored of a woman that he’ll do anything to make her his own, if he’s “enslaved” by his boundless passion, then who, after all, is in charge of the relationship?”
The damsel in distress story line ultimately becomes about a man so in love with the damsel that he risks life and limb for her salvation.
Let’s talk about a current medium where you might not expect female worship to pop up.
If you listen to country music (and you probably don’t) you may have noticed a trend in a lot of the top songs lately. My wife thought I was crazy when I brought it up. “Oh, look. Another country song about how awesome it is to be out drinking beer in the country on Friday night with a beautiful woman.”
I didn’t think much of it until a new song came out called “A girl in a country song” which makes fun of the idealized women portrayed in this new genre of country music. It seems they even have a name for this cookie cutter music style; Bro Country.
Apparently a lot of the country music commentators were upset at the generally misogynistic lyrics that show up in Bro Country. They do boast some thought provoking, heart felt lyrics like, “Slide your pretty self over here, and hand me another beer.” Deep stuff.
But the critics missed a crucial point. The female fans eat this shit up!
These songs are basically female worship. Let’s look at a few more lyrics;
“Yeah, when I first saw that bikini top on her
She was poppin’ right out of the South Georgia water
Thought, “Oh, good lord, she had them long tanned legs!”
Couldn’t help myself so I walked up and said
Baby you a song
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise”
Now, if you aren’t familiar with the song (and you probably aren’t), that is the opening line to, Cruise, the song that spent 24 weeks at the top of the country charts, the longest run in Billboard Charts 50+ year history.
And women love the band, Florida Georgia Line. Take a look at the photos on their Facebook page. What do you see? A lot of very normal women who love to hear these men sing about being hopelessly in love.
But they are not alone. How about this offering from Chase Rice’s “Ready Set Lets Roll”
“Damn pretty girl you went done it again
You’ve gone and turned your sexy all the way up to 10
I’ve never seen a side ride seat looking so hot
Baby, you rock, hit the spot like a fireball shot
You’ve got me all high, head spinning around and around
I’m down if you’re down to burn down this town”
Or how about this one from Tyler Farr’s “Whiskey in My Water “(because I like to belabor the point)
“Cause when the sun goes down it’ll get a little hotter
Make an old boy’s heart beat a little harder
I know I can’t lose cause it’s going down smooth tonight, baby
One ain’t enough man may I have another Sitting ’round the fire gettin’ drunk on each other
Every day I pray I thank God I got her She’s the moon in my shine, the whiskey in my water”
Did I mention that women eat this shit up? Because I wasn’t kidding.
Notice the nearly complete lack of testosterone in the crowd.
The idea of these hunky, tattooed country bad boys being enamored with a sexy seductive woman is a sure fire fantasy starter for a lot of ladies.
I’m not going to spend much time on this one. I don’t have any problem with it, but I’m not convinced that my readers are that interested.
The dominatrix fantasy is about the overt use of power to control a man. In contrast to the female worship fantasy where the man chooses to devote himself through his actions, the dominatrix fantasy focuses on the man submitting himself to the will of the woman.
The appeal is in the power derived from having a man completely at your disposal. No matter what punishment you hand out to him, he’s going to take it, such is his devotion to you.
3. Can it improve your relationship?
Gentleman, I’m going to start by telling you a secret.
Women who feel sexy…want to have more sex.
That is all. Thank you, and good night.
If you didn’t already know this…I suggest you go back and start at the beginning of the blog.
Okay, seriously though. Your partner needs to feel sexy. She needs to know that she can bring you to your knees with her sex appeal. I don’t care how alpha you think you are, she wants to know that she is capable of making you lose control.
You may not be completely comfortable with this idea. My wife and I have an agreement; I can’t deny a request for something I’ve asked her to indulge in. But some things…I just hope she never asks.
If she ever came to me and said she wanted to tie me up, I’m going to say yes in a heart beat. She submits herself to me when we’re in the mood and I’m man enough to do the same. This isn’t something she has ever expressed interest in, and I’m relieved at that because it would scare me to see where she might take it.
But I very much enjoy giving her the “hungry wolf” eyes; that look that says I can’t wait to devour her. And she loves it. Since the core of the female dominance fantasy is the expression of female seduction, let your wife know that you are able to be overpowered by her presence. Don’t forget to offer up an appreciative comment or look. Let her know that you are willing to go to great lengths to satisfy her.
Ladies. Don’t be afraid to turn on the charm. I realize that takes a certain level of trust, and your greatest fear is looking like Cathy Bates
but just keep reminding yourselves, we want to have sex with you. You can talk us into quite a lot, especially if you are naked.
But beware, it isn’t without its pitfalls. One of the problems with the female dominance fantasy is that does dampen the naturally aggressive nature of the men. While it might be fun to fantasize about men fawning all over you, in reality, women want to have sex with men who are worth having sex with. Turning your man into a crawling, sniveling toy who will lick your shoes on command might sound intriguing, but you might find it difficult to be attracted to him afterwards if it goes too far.
The female dominance fantasy is a great outlet for expressing your desire to be desired. It’s the starting point for exploring new ways to seduce your man. Make him drool over you and if you’re feeling randy, smack him on the ass.