As a grown man, you are supposed to be over all of those shameful moments from your youth. You know; those ones that still haunt you and still affect your behavior years later.
I’ve got a friend who refuses to take his shirt off around other people. He’s a big, muscular guy, but in his head he’s fat and he’s convinced everyone will laugh at him. All of this because a kid laughed at him at the swimming pool in fourth grade.
My moment came in eighth grade. In seventh grade my dad bought me Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars for junior high basketball. I’m talking the old 60’s style shoes. Everybody laughed at me. There was nothing I could do about it. The next year, I asked for something different. He agreed, as long as they didn’t cost any more than the Converse.
I found a pair of LA Gear basketball shoes. Same price, much cooler. He agreed and on the first day of ball practice I walked down the hall with my head high, trying not to grin.
It was one of the more horrific days of my youth. It’s one thing to get laughed at for not being cool. I get that. But they tormented me for daring to try to be cool. I learned that day that trying to fit in was far more dangerous than just staying “uncool”.
That was one of the experiences that let me to maintain a wardrobe of blue jeans and grey t-shirts. I dressed this way all through college and on into marriage. It’s hard to criticize a guy for daring to wear grey.
So you can imagine what an amazing image I projected. Boring. Predictable. Nothing to catch your eye. Safe.
Would Big Dick wear grey? Nope. How would I handle this situation if I was the one in a position of strength? I would present the best image of myself that I could. I would wear clothes that look good on me.
Whose eye am I trying to catch? My wife’s for one. She needs to feel good about being out in public with me. She needs to see an attractive guy getting ready for work in the morning or getting ready for a night on the town. It’s a strange thing, I get more sex when my wife finds me attractive. Go figure.
But guess what? She isn’t the only one looking.
I was walking down the hallway at church last Wednesday night and a friend stopped me in mid-stride. I’ve known her since college and she’s married to the youth pastor. I’m walking along and hear, “Hey”, so I stop. She looks at me, smiles, and says, “What happened to grey t-shirt man?”
I laughed, “Grey t-shirt man is no more.”
She smiles again, “That is the brightest shirt I’ve ever seen you wear. It looks really good on you.”
I explained that the grey t-shirt look was fine when I was a broke college kid, but at 35, it was time to grow up. She smiles and nods and we go our separate ways.
My wife wasn’t there, so I told her the story afterwards. This lady is a sweetheart, but not much to look at physically so my wife wasn’t concerned. We did have the conversation later though about how she would have reacted if it had been an attractive woman who approached me like that. She is working on coming to terms with that prospect.
I’m not doing this to attract other women. I’m doing it to attract her. But we both understand that other women seeing me, and sometimes reacting to me, is inevitable. It helps that my wife is very attractive and she feels secure in our relationship.
I will admit, I’m out of my comfort zone with the new wardrobe change. It’s a necessary change I need to make, if for no other reason than the fact that it stretches my comfort zone. One of the promises I made myself is that I would face the things that make me uncomfortable. Being more daring with the clothing takes me all the way back to that hallway in eighth grade and that scares me just a little bit.
But that is what Big Dick living is all about, overcoming our insecurities and reaping the benefits. Like lots of sex with my wife.