Sunday School notes: How to Compromise without Arguing

1. Understand that you are not trying to convert your spouse to your side.

Compromise is ultimately still a disagreement. You are simply agreeing to accept less than everything you want.

2. Make sure you understand both sides of the conversation.

Proverbs 18:3 “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”

3. Keep your end of the deal.

Proverbs 29:20, “Seest thou a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope of a fool than him.

4. (for the women) Spiritually speaking, there should be some natural deference to the husband.

Ephesians 5:23 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord”.

5. (for the men) Spiritually speaking, there should be some willingness to sacrifice on your end.

1st Corinthians 10:24: “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.”

 Ephesians 5:28: “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

 SO, IF THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DO?

1. Most of the time, we aren’t satisfied with winning. We want to be proven right. Accepting the fact that our spouse is agreeing to the compromise without “wanting” our half of it really is the key.

2. The conversation trying to “understand” the other person’s side usually causes even bigger fights, so we tend to avoid that step. Communicating openly and often is necessary if you want to reach agreeable compromises.

3. It is easy to agree to a compromise, especially if my half of the agreement is deferred until later. It’s much harder to follow through once I’ve gotten what I want out of the deal.

This is a key TRUST issue. If your spouse cannot trust you to follow through on an agreement, they are not going to continue going through this process with you.

By failing to follow through, you risk turning this process from a compromise, where both sides are willing to concede something, to a battle where your spouse feels they have no choice but to push for everything they need. Up front, and in full.

4&5. We will be discussing Ephesians ch 5 in detail next week.

middle_divorce-compromise

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