Married Sex is Just So…Boring

So, for my birthday, my wife tried to set up a plan to make out in our car (we drive a Suburban) while the kids were at church. Yes, we planned to skip church in order to make out like teenagers.

But it turned out a little different than we expected.

The Jones’ (not their real name of course) are friends of ours from church. I’ve been sort of an adopted part of their family since college as I was away from home with no family nearby. After marrying my wonderful wife, the two of us have become their adopted kids. Mostly because we treat them better than their own worthless kids do.

But lately, our relationship has taken a few odd turns. It has become generally accepted by my wife and her husband that she is my “Other Woman”. We openly carry on a mock affair and trade suggestive text messages from time to time. All under the watchful eye of my wife, of course, who likes to inform me that I couldn’t handle her. She’s a wildcat.

Anyway, this is the couple that my wife approached on my birthday asking if we could come park in their yard and make out in the car. Had they been home, the answer would have been, “Sure, come on over.”

As it was, they were out of town. They gave us the code to the garage door and told us the house was ours; enjoy. Just don’t leave any evidence.

Well, we took them up on it. I told my wife that, if we were going to do this, we were going to do it right. We were going to defile their house and probably take pictures. We were considerate though; we brought a blanket to avoid having to wash their sheets.

We walked in the house, perfectly quiet. We’ve been in this house countless times before, but now it was ours to explore. We went straight to the bedroom. They had a king size bed with a bed set that I probably couldn’t afford. But, for a couple of hours, it was ours.

Exhibit A: just arrived, about to defile our friends home.

Exhibit A: just arrived, about to defile our friends home.

We slowly undressed, commenting on how awkward the whole thing was, waiting for them to call just to interrupt us and get a laugh out of the situation. But hey, we’re married. This is starting to sound like single person sex and we all know that doesn’t happen.

As soon as we were mostly undressed, my wife’s phone rang. It was my father in law. We hit decline and continued.

It rang again 5 minutes later. Him again. She started to wonder if this was our sign that this was a bad idea. I convinced her it was not and we continued.

My wife then treated me to a blowjob on our good friend’s bed. She then climbed on top of me for a brief bout of sex, but this wasn’t really what I had in mind. We had sex on their bed mostly just so we could say we did.

Oh yeah, while my wife sat there with my dick in her mouth, her phone beeps. Our friends daughter had just sent her a Facebook friend request.

At this point we got up. I told her to follow me in to the kitchen. We are walking through their house mostly naked. My wife is on the verge of freaking out as they have a lot of windows. To be fair about it, they live at the end of a lane and the odds of random uninvited guests showing up was quite small. Never the less, she put on a shirt and made me close the blinds when we got to the kitchen.

We had sex bent over the marble countertop in their kitchen. And. It. Was. Amazing.

The mental arousal of pounding my wife with her boobs flattened against the marble counter top where I’ve had lunch so many times was mind blowing. She said it made her feel like a porn star. Damn I love this woman.

When we were done, we swam naked in their pool.

It’s possible that you are reading this and thinking we are grade A assholes. But this was exactly what they expected when they gave the invitation. They know we enjoy sex. Her specific instructions were, “don’t leave any evidence”. They wanted us to have a good time and we made the most of it.

Afterwards, we decided to have some fun. We decided to straighten up their house a bit and take pics so we could show them what we did while in their house alone for 2 hours. Unfortunately, they keep an immaculate house, so the best we could do was fold some shirts that were sitting in a chair.

All good things must come to an end, and our 2 hour break from reality ended. We grabbed some ice cream at Dairy Queen and headed to the church to pick up the kiddos.

Later that night, my wife sent her a text saying, “we just wanted to share what we did at your house” and a photo of the folded shirts. They thought that was hilarious and told us how glad they were that we had a good time.

That was two nights ago. Tonight, we got a message saying they were on their way home and we needed to have our stuff packed and get off their bed. I sent a reply saying, “Just for that…” and sent a picture of my wife’s panties lying on their bedroom floor. The response was belly aching laughter. They were enjoying this almost as much as we were.

Exhibit B; We just defiled your sheets. Welcome home!

Exhibit B; We just defiled your sheets. Welcome home!

If anyone tells you married sex is boring, know one thing; they aren’t doing it right. I enjoy my wife more now than I did when we married 13 years ago. Our sex is more satisfying than ever. We are more adventurous than ever. We’ve got better stories to tell than ever.

If your life isn’t improving with age, do something about it. If your sex life isn’t improving with age do something about it.

What would you do if you were the one in charge, if you were the one with the big dick? You would bang the hell out of your wife against your friend’s kitchen countertop. That’s what you do.

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4 thoughts on “Married Sex is Just So…Boring

    • Thanks Anisa! I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

      To make sure she gets proper credit for her part in the shenanigans; my wife writes one of the blogs you follow, 30degreesoffcenter. I’m sure she’ll get around to posting her perspective on this evening soon enough.

      She is an amazing woman.

  1. Pingback: Sometimes, Big Dick Decision Making Sucks | The Big Dick Chronicles

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