I’m trying to decide the proper way to conduct a moral dilemma.
The anonymity of the internet is a dangerous thing. I’ll share things with you here that I would never divulge to random strangers in real life. Some of my close friends know about the things I’m writing about, but they are 1% of my world. 99% of my friends and associates have no idea what goes on in our life.
Only one other person, Brian, who has apparently lost interest in the blog, even know I’m here. You, dear reader, know more intimate details of my life than my own family. All that is good and wonderful, but this creates a dynamic where I am essentially conducting two separate lives.
If you have ever watched Christian Slater’s 1990’s flick Pump Up the Volume, you will have a picture of what I’m facing. Slater’s teenage character is a mild mannered, introverted son of a high school principal. But at night, he dj’s his own pirate radio show under the name of Happy Harry Hard on (“Coming to you live! Naked, wearing only a cock ring!).
The question becomes, is this separation a bad thing? Do I share these stories and opinions anonymously because I am ashamed of them, or because I think I’m doing something wrong? Not at all. I’d gladly post details of who we are if only the internet could be trusted. I do it this way as a concession to my weaker brethren who might be offended due to their own opinions or their own struggles.
Paul advises us to give up our right to “do as please” in order to protect our weaker brethren who might see a particular activity as sinful. I fully get that. That’s why I won’t be telling the story about defiling our friend’s house to our Sunday School class. Not because we did anything wrong, but because someone in the class may have issues with it and they may think it’s wrong. So, do I avoid the activity? No, I just avoid telling them about it.
What about discussing sex? Some of my friends have no problem with sex, but hold the opinion that the marriage bed should be sacred and therefore ought not be discussed with anyone else. So to them, our activity might not be improper, but choosing to share the story would be.
So, for the sake of keeping things running smoothly, I’ll tell the more…interesting parts of our life here and the real world people can continue thinking we are the world’s most boring couple. That should keep everybody satisfied.
If you are still with me, I applaud your patience. I had to get that out of the way because it sets the tone for our discussion on the Bible and sex.
As I continue to grow in wisdom and experience, I am finding that my opinions on the Bible and sex do not necessarily reflect the views of my church or the protestant religions in general. I understand that nearly every issue can be answered with the overriding blanket solution of “Be holy as I AM holy”. But I’m not really a fan of the “Sunday School answers”. You know, those answers you give to a question while sitting in church, but no one actually follows them?
So, let me tell you what’s bothering me. Let’s start with the issue of marriage. I’m pretty sure that a large part of my misery as a young man came from my acceptance of the idea that God had one perfect person waiting for me. I can tell you with perfect certainty that God led me to my wife, but that isn’t what I mean.
As a young man I assumed that, if there was one perfect person I was waiting for, then my job was to wait. Alone. I accepted the notion that it would be sinful for me to initiate a relationship with anyone who wasn’t THE ONE. I would meet someone that I was attracted to, but because I didn’t feel like they were THE ONE, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to have any level of intimate (physical or emotional) relationship with them. You can find that doctrine throughout churches today, being preached to young men and women who are wringing their hands in frustration wondering when God is going to end their misery by bringing that mythical perfect person into their life.
The problem is, this isn’t biblical. Oh, yes, you can quote the standard responses, “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord” or “A man devises his own way in his heart, but the Lord directs his path.” But what about the actual examples in the Bible?
My wife informs me that this is too long already, so we’ll call that part 1 and save the rest for another day.