Coming To Terms With Temptation

If you will indulge me a bit of self reflection…..

When it comes to the opposite sex, what is your greatest weakness?
Mine is very simple; I desperately want to be noticed.
Wait, check that. I used to desperately want to be noticed.

I’ve explained before the betrayal I felt when I finally realized that being a Nice Guy was not my greatest strength. It was, in fact, my greatest fault and the source of most of my misery in life.

One specific element of this dysfunction was my belief that it was inappropriate to try to draw attention to my self. I shouldn’t brag, I shouldn’t boast, I shouldn’t dress well or try to sell myself. I was supposed to just sit back and wait for someone to notice what an awesome guy I was.

Well guys, I’ll tell you, that didn’t work too well. I can count on one hand the number of women who ever expressed any physical attraction to me.

I don't understand it, women should have been lining up to throw themselves at me.

I don’t understand it, women should have been lining up to throw themselves at me.

So, make sure you’ve got a clear picture. A young guy who is convinced that he is supposed to wait for the world to tell him how wonderful he is, (his own opinion doesn’t matter) and then no one does.

It leaves you pretty hungry.

My amazing wife comes along and gives me that affirmation I needed. It helped a lot.
But then I killed that attraction with my Nice Guy routine.

Just two years in and she doesn’t look at me the same as she used to. Of course, I had no understanding at the time that this was my own fault.

Guess what happens next?

It happened around the second year of our marriage. I was 24. My wife was working hard to finish college. She was pregnant, and I was working two jobs. One of my jobs was at a video store. I had a co-worker named Erin who turned out to be quite the little succubus. She was petite, cute enough, but very outgoing. She was also married to a pretty good guy named Jim.

Erin had a habit of getting a bit to close when we were standing around the store. One night, when my wife was staying late working on a senior project, I grabbed a couple of pizzas and went to hand out with my buddies at the video store. As we were standing around the counter, eating and watching a movie on the tv, Erin walked up and stood beside me.

Not just a little beside me, right beside me. So close our legs were touching, right beside me. She didn’t move and I didn’t either. We carried on a brief conversation this way and after a minute or two, one of us moved. It never really escalated beyond that, but from that point on, the tension was there.

I have to admit, she occupied my thoughts for a time. She gave the impression that she wasn’t too terribly concerned with those marriage vows and I had too much time to ponder that.

So what did I do?

Thankfully I chickened out. I went to a very close friend of mine and told him what I was dealing with. I asked him to hold me accountable. We talked it over and I gave him permission to ask me at any time if it continued to be a problem. Simply having that discussion opened my eyes to the fact that this wasn’t what I wanted.

As far as “close encounters” go, I admit this is a pretty lame story, but it exposed a huge weakness in my character. I grew up in church. I was a virgin through high school and I always assumed that my chastity was due to my high moral virtue. In reality, it was simply a lack of opportunity.

The first time someone other than my wife showed me attention, I almost caved. I wasn’t really the man I thought I was. Even worse, I wasn’t the man I wanted my wife to believe I was.

Why am I telling you this?

One of the necessary outcomes of my relentless pursuit of Big Dick awesomeness is increased attention from other women.

Part of being attractive to my wife is her knowledge that other women want what she has. If she were the only one who expressed interest in me, there would come a point where she might begin to question her own judgment. When she sees other women admiring me, it confirms her feelings about me and affirms her good decision in choosing me as a mate.

You can see my dilemma.

Even though my wife is my sole target audience, the reaction of other women is a good measure of how successful my efforts are. It puts me in a situation where I need to be conscious of the reaction of other women while at the same time knowing deep down that this is one of my greatest areas of weakness.

So, what is the solution? How do I stay conscious of the responses of other women without feeling any urge to pursue them?

Thankfully, having a Big Dick is about more than just how you look.

In the past, my total lack of self confidence made me susceptible to the bad intentions of others. I was still looking for my validation to come from someone outside of myself.

Where am I now? Well, if you’ve read any of my other posts, I’m not here asking you to tell me how awesome I am. I tell you. (Just a tad bit of narcissism thrown in so you won’t be tempted to think too highly of me.)

When the sales clerk at the store tries to flirt with me, she is just reflecting back what I already know to be true. I am a worthwhile guy. Yes, she would be lucky to have me, but she can’t.

But it isn’t just the other women. I don’t have to ask my wife to be attracted to me anymore. Hell, sometimes I dare her not to. (She snorted with laughter when I read that to her, but she didn’t deny it)

I’m not sure I can describe to you how liberating it is that I no longer need other women to show interest in me. Now it’s just a measuring stick, it isn’t the prize. The prize is to be the man that my wife willingly throws herself to her knees for.

I don’t think that’s ever actually happened, but I’m getting there.

[edit]

Just to add some context to the story, I’ve added some pics of my wonderful wife and I.
Here we are 14 years ago, age 22 and 20. Don’t I look like every geeky nice guy you’ve ever met?

I know. I look 14 instead of 22. I was still a full year away from puberty.

I know. I look 14 instead of 22. I was still a full year away from puberty.

And here we are now.

Sorry ladies, I'm taken.

Sorry ladies, I’m taken.

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10 thoughts on “Coming To Terms With Temptation

      • We all think that brother. We all get weak. In my case, I was so beaten down by an abusive spouse that I latched on to the first person who showed me any kindness. In the end, it was a colossal mistake but I at least know why it happened.

      • I appreciate you sharing that. From reading your writing, it looks like you have grown a lot since that experience. You can read a lot about a person’s character from the tone of their writing and you definitely don’t give off a beaten down vibe. I’m sorry you had that experience though.

        I came from a long line of broken homes. I always assumed that my desire to be different would be enough to protect me from the same mistakes.

        The issue of my family history was the first time I realized that understand the problem is not the same as understanding the solution. A topic for another time.

  1. Pingback: Coming To Terms With Temptation | Truth and con...

  2. I can so relate to this post! You have nailed me start to finish. 5 years ago I was the nice guy. Now I look 100% different. I have done a complete makeover and it is paying dividends with my wife and attention of others! Keep it up! And thank you so much for sharing! I always look forward to reading your blog!

  3. I got half way through and your description of your wife wanting you because other women want you sounds really like game, or at least some part of game. Game being a way or lifestyle of attracting and picking up women… from what I’ve read.
    Without taking away from the fact that a lot of the game rules/techniques seems to make a lot of sense to me, I’m quietly hoping your blog, (which I am really enjoying) doesn’t get too game-y.

    • Thanks Andrew,
      Not a gamer for sure and not a fan of the concept. I’d be a horrible game coach as I’ve only successfully attracted one woman.

      However, there is some biology involved that married men need to be conscious of, both to avoid temptation and to increase their happiness with their wives.

      Having said that, my wife confirms it. Knowing other women find me attractive increases her own feelings for me and she doesn’t find that to be a bad thing. It’s a bit of a pride thing from her perspective.

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