How To Stay Awesome Even When You’re Sick

Sorry guys, I got nothing for you on this one. I’m a complete and total worthless pussy when I’m sick.

Artistic rendition of actual events.

Artistic rendition of actual events.

Or at least that’s the way it feels. It’s always a vicious cycle; I try to pretend I’m not sick until it’s so bad I can barely walk and then I collapse into a heap. I lay in the fetal position waiting to die until I feel a little better. Then I optimistically jump to my feet proclaiming myself well.

Then the process repeats itself.

Do you want to know the worst part of being sick?

It isn’t attractive.

All of my Big Dick bonus points go flying right out the window when I’m sick. I swear to God, I try hard to keep the whiny bitch out of my voice, but my wife hears it anyway. And she makes fun of me for it.

Now, before you think ill of her, I’m actually glad that she doesn’t coddle me. It shows me what she really wants.

When she makes fun of my death rattle cough, what she’s really saying is that she wants her man back.

When she complains that I don’t have enough energy to take out the trash, what she is really complaining about is that I don’t have enough energy to bend her over and spank her ass.

It’s been a long week. I haven’t had enough energy to even be horny, much less chase my wife around the house playing grab ass.

I need to make it up to her. Dear, by the time you read this, I’ll be back in the saddle, so you need to be ready to go for a ride. Smooches.

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