What Every Woman Needs To Know About Blowjobs

[A quick update. As expected, we experienced a full 100% increase in daily viewership following the post on Asian Ass porn with significant numbers coming from eastern Europe. I didn’t take them for animal lovers, but whatever.]

Your Mother Is A Dirty Girl wrote an entertaining post about a woman’s perspective on blow jobs. Every guy needs to be aware of how women view this touchy subject, so I suggest you read it. But, as I read through, it occurred to me that women may not necessarily understand exactly how we men feel about the subject.

So, I would like to present a primer on what every woman needs to know about blow jobs. Now before I begin, let’s cover the standard disclaimers. Not every woman is the same and not all men are the same. Your mileage may vary, yada yada.

The Big Dick Chronicles is written primarily for recovering Nice Guys so we will assume that mind set for the sake of this discussion. If you’re with a guy who routinely just walks up and sticks his dick in your mouth, this information might no apply to you. Otherwise, yes, this is what goes through your man’s head.

Okay, let’s begin.

1. We HATE asking for blowjobs.

There are a couple of reasons for this; one, it makes us feel like a dick. Our current generation of men have been trained not to be selfish in bed. Asking for something that brings no physical stimulation to our partner is the epitome of jerkish, selfish behavior.

Two, as Dirty Girl pointed out, you already know we want it.

We need some context for this statement. As with so many other things, men and women really do think differently on this issue. We also suffer from the fallacy of assuming you think the way we do and vice versa.

For example, with rare exceptions, men love to eat pussy. We’d have it for breakfast lunch and supper if we could. The only thing standing between us and a new weight loss program called The Pussy Diet…is you.

Consider this scenario; you are lounging comfortably in bed reading a book. Your man climbs up and starts to remove your pants. How do you react? With a 98% degree of certainty, I predict you would stop him. Why? Because you don’t typically allow unrequested oral. And we men know this.

But reverse the scenario. As a woman, you would be shocked and appalled if your man turned you down because the automatic assumption is that he wants it any time he can get it.

Yeah, just doesn't make sense does it?

Yeah, just doesn’t make sense does it?

So here is what is going through our heads. If you wanted oral at any time, we would gladly provide it. We are always in the mood to receive unrequested oral. You know we want oral any time so….where are the blow jobs?

If we are reduced to asking for blow jobs, there is a simple reason; we aren’t getting them.

Ladies, be warned;  if your man is asking for blowjobs this is a sure sign that he is sexually unfulfilled. Now, before your head explodes, let me say that this is his issue to deal with and his resonsibility. We’ll get to that momentarily.

Again, there are exceptions. If it is done in a light-hearted way as part of a mutually satisfying sex life, this isn’t a problem. (eg “For lunch, I would like a sandwich and a blow job”). But, if your man is sincerely asking for blow jobs, you have to understand; this is our last resort. It’s akin to having to stop and ask for directions. It is a huge blow to our ego and we hate ourselves for it.

So men, what can you do about it?
I’m going to repeat a common theme that you will find throughout this blog; if she isn’t willingly sucking your dick, she just isn’t that into you.

There are dozens of ways you can kill attraction with your wife. Hygiene, general demeanor and disposition, weight issues, etc. If you aren’t getting what you want in bed, figure out what you are doing wrong and fix it. Give your wife a reason to want that thing in her mouth. But understand this won’t happen overnight. Expect that you have a lot of work to do. Your wife will respond to you when she is attracted to you.

2. We probably like blow jobs better than sex.
This one seems to be difficult for women to comprehend. We were talking with another couple and the topic came up. The wife said she just didn’t get her husband’s fascination with it.

My explanation went like this; women seem to view oral sex (both ways) as an appetizer. It’s typically part of the foreplay ritual in preparation for sex. Men view oral sex more as dessert. Sex is the main course, of course, and ultimately satisfying like any good meal. But a blow job can be a means to an end and due to the relative rarity of taking a blow job to completion, it is a sweet treat like a really good dessert.

At times, my wife has found it almost insulting to hear that I would rather have a blow job than have sex with her. I’ve finally convinced her that it has nothing to do with her or her body. The physical sensation is just completely different. The mental arousal is completely different. I wouldn’t choose a blow job over sex every time, or even most of the time, but a really good blow job is just damn hard to beat.

Which leads us to number three..

3. Sucking our dick makes you look like a slut…and we love you for it.
I’ll tread lightly here because that statement can have a wide range of connotations depending on your experiences and background. I’m using it in a strictly positive and affirming way.

Sex is awesome and it can be as adventurous or as ordinary as you want to make it. But you’ve got to remember, our grandmothers had sex. We can’t even contemplate the idea that our grandmothers gave head. It is an act that exists on a completely different plane than sex.Your willingness to perform this act demonstrates a naughty side that we men are powerless to resist.

I have it on good authority (my wife) that sometimes women enjoy feeling a little slutty in bed. Of course this requires a trusting, secure relationship. She has to know that our bedroom is a safe place to let that part of her come out and play.

But once she knows it’s safe, look out. There is nothing like watching her give a porn star quality blow job. It makes me feel like the most powerful man on earth to watch her perform that way for me. My appreciation, respect, and admiration for her goes up every time.

So, what are some things we men can do to improve the blowjob experience? This won’t cover every aspect, but if you can achieve these few things, your experience will be much more satisfying.

1. Stop asking.
You are a grown ass man. You ask your momma to make you sandwich. You ask for favors. A blow job isn’t a favor. It’s a healthy part of a mutually satisfying sex life. Asking for something is a demonstration of weakness not leadership, and women just aren’t attracted to weakness.

State your expectations and your intentions clearly. Your wife is free to either agree or disagree. If she is attracted to you, she’ll comply. If she isn’t, it just means you have some work to do.

2. Increase your attractiveness and your sexual dominance.
Again, all of this is written from the context of an otherwise healthy and productive relationship. This isn’t helpful advice for relationships with violence or abuse issues.

Men, attraction has to come first. Your wife will respond to you if she is attracted to you. But attraction isn’t enough. The key word here is “respond”. You’ve got to initiate the process.

It has been a difficult journey for me to accept that I’m allowed (and often expected) to take what I want from my wife. She enjoys being dominated by me. In that strange way that I’ll never fully comprehend, my strength makes her feel safe.

But I can’t demonstrate that strength by asking permission. It has to be decisive and even selfish at times. If I’m strong and decisive, she knows she can trust me. If she can trust me she can submit to me. And men, you have to trust me on this, there is nothing more seductive than a woman who will willingly obey your command to suck your dick.

But ladies, you have to understand that last sentence as well. Submission is seductive. She can ask me for damn near anything she wants in that moment. If his dick is in your mouth, he is putty in your hands. Don’t underestimate the power that you yield in this setting.

3. Reward good behavior.
Oh boy, this already sounds extremely condescending. Bear with me.
It isn’t easy sucking your dick. In fact, I hear that it’s actually a bit of a chore.

At The Big Dick Chronicles, we tryo to be sensitive to women's issues.

At The Big Dick Chronicles, we try to be sensitive to women’s issues.

When she does it, she is doing it to please you. (Unless she’s doing it to placate you, then you’ve got a problem) So be pleased. Don’t take it for granted. She has blessed you with a tasty dessert, make sure she knows that you appreciate it. Give her a reason to want to do it again. Compliment her skills. Make sure she knows that you can’t resist her prowess.

My wife understands this well. She will randomly open her mouth and slowly wipe the corner of her lip with her thumb (That universal “you missed a drop” symbol).

Yep, that's the one.

Yep, that’s the one.

It sends a shiver down my leg every time.

There you have it ladies and gentleman. Obviously there is much more to say on the subject, but if you and your spouse have a firm understanding of these basic concepts you will easily resolve 90% of your blow job related issues. Now go be awesome.

12 thoughts on “What Every Woman Needs To Know About Blowjobs

  1. Great post. My post definitely comes from an overly exaggerated view and from baggage carried over from a bad relationship. I honestly have no problem with my husband joking about it, like you said “For lunch, I would like a sandwich and a blow job”. But we have a great marriage, he doesn’t need to ask. I love taking care of him and being everything he wants, it’s a huge turn on to get him off, in every sense. If men are not getting it, there is most likely a bigger issue going on- I agree. From a woman’s POV- I agree with your statement on men taking the lead. Be a man, be a little aggressive and “lead”. My hubby is a pure gentleman and wasn’t raised to be that guy that just takes what he wants, but I am pretty vocal and have come right out and said– “Hey, when you want it, just take it, don’t ask me” and I’m talking about sex and oral. He is still a gentleman but doesn’t feel like he is being asshole when he takes what he wants now. I think some women just need to stop being shy about what they want and men need to man up, life would be so much easier if couples actually spoke about their needs.

    • Thanks for the response. I did get a good laugh from your post. Exaggerated or not, it is much truer for most people than we might want to believe.

      You realize that for most men, you don’t actually exist right? A woman who enjoys pleasing your husband? Be honest, you’re really an overweight 40 year old man who lives in your parents basement, aren’t you?

      But I believe you. My wife is also such a woman and I am blessed to have her.

  2. We do exist. You know we do. I love giving a good blow job – it turns me on that I can make my man THAT turned on. And I know it looks hot when I do it. That’s WHY I do it.

    There are lots of women like me. When I posted my BJ post, several women commented that they love blowing their men. I guess the issue here is, it sometimes peters out (sorry) after a lot of years of marriage. It didn’t for me – because there are some women who just really enjoy it. And yes, it helps when the man takes care of himself. It helps when he’s dominant in the bedroom. But I gotta tell you – it also helps when you marry an enthusiastic cocksucker to begin with.

    Happy New Year!

    • Hi Samara!

      Oh yes, I know you exist, but every day I am surrounded by men who cannot fathom a life like you and I are discussing.

      I appreciate the replies from you good women of the world. Perhaps they give some of my males readers some hope.

      There may be many of you out there, but I gotta tell ya, here in middle America they seem few and far between. But again, I blame the men for that.

      Happy New Year to you, too!

      • And thank you for turning me onto a new blog. I love it! It’s the blog I would have, if I had the balls (vagina).

        I basically feel like we are the same person – a woman, trying to balance be a good mom and loving to get mouth fucked. It’s a weird balancing act.

        Like, I’m in my kids class hosting a Holiday Breakfast with semen dripping down my leg cause my husband came home for a quickie and I didn’t have time to shower before the breakfast.

        Such is life.

        Only now I’m a single mom, running her own business. So I masturbate to porn a lot. I don’t have time to date or have relationships. I want no strings attached sex, but my business consultant tells me I cannot have that reputation in my area – I can’t be some person’s fuck buddy, and be a responsible business owner. People gossip.

        It sucks. I have 2 people I recycled from my past who live in the city, away from my suburban area, but I only see them very, very occasionally. I’m horny most of the time.

        Sorry about the rant! I have no idea what led me to say all that!

  3. Pingback: My goals for 2014 and Happy New Year’s wishes. | Sunshine Mary

  4. LOVED this! Found it when reading over on Dye’s site. Hubby and I have been together almost 25 years and am happy to say that he never, EVER has to ask. It’s given early, often and with tons of enthusiasm 😉 I’m a lucky girl…and he’s a smiling guy!

    • Thanks and welcome to the site.

      Your statement, “I’m a lucky girl” is the key point that all men need to hear.

      If your wife is suitably attracted to you and you aren’t a complete tool, so much of this will become a non-issue.

  5. Pingback: Door Knocker [NSFW]

  6. I’m not married yet but have been in a committed relationship for a little while now, I love love licking and sucking my boyfriends penis. I will gladly just compliment his cock or gag on it, whichever is in the moment.

    He always tells me how I am not like most girls, I am guessing a lot of women don’t like pleasing there men? It’s amazing though and he goes down on me just as often, which I love. He coached me to a great orgasm from his mouth today!

    No matter how long you are with someone, people should always make time for sex and they should always enjoy it.

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