Sometimes, Big Dick Decision Making Sucks

One of our big areas of change over the last year is the issue of how we as a couple make decisions. We have found that the universe just flows more naturally if I am the decision maker. Obviously, my wife has a tremendous amount of input into our decisions, but when it comes down to “where are we going to eat tonight?” I am expected to make the final decision.

The nice guy in me is already feeling the urge to explain that concept in depth lest you think I am an overbearing jerk. See, I used to believe the myth that women wanted a man who was willing to concede decision making in order to keep things “fair” or “equal”.

For example:
Nice Guy: “Where would like to eat tonight dear?”
Wife: “I don’t know. What sounds good to you?”
Nice Guy: “I’m up for anything. I want you to be happy so pick your favorite restaurant and we’ll go there.”

Women, how discouraging are these conversations? How many times have you thought, “Would you just make up your damn mind already?!?”

Having fallen into that routine in the past, I am really trying to make a conscious effort to be the decision maker in our family. But it isn’t as simple as just always picking what I want to do. I have a responsibility to make sure that my wife is satisfied with the decisions we make.

I have tried to refrain from asking the questions, “What would you like to do?” or “Where would you like to go?” As soon as they slip out of my mouth, I can feel the balance of nature going off kilter.

My alternative has been to use phrases such as, “Do you have a particular preference?” “Is there anything specific you want to do today?” If yes, then we can go that direction. Otherwise, I take responsibility for finding something that we will both enjoy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if leadership were only about the fun stuff?

We had been planning to attend a New Years Eve ball this year. We would be attending with two other couples we are friends with. It was a creative formal affair/ masquerade ball.

We spent weeks making arrangements. After lining up a babysitter for the night, we booked a room at an awesome bed & breakfast place called The Mansion.

Then, on Monday things started to unravel. My mother in law was supposed to watch the kids so we could go shopping. She called at the last minute to say she was sick and couldn’t make it. We don’t have a lot of babysitting options, so it looked like it was going to be bust. I decided to call our good friends from church. She was home and enthusiastically agreed to watch them for us.

We found the outfit we wanted for my wife and headed home. We ran out of time looking for mine so we planned to finish up on Tuesday before the event. It looked like things were going to be okay.

At 4:00 am on Tuesday morning, my wife gets a message from her sister that her mother is in the hospital. The sickness turned out to be extreme dizziness, vertigo, and vomiting. Still unsure of the extent of it, we continued planning for the event as we had to be out the door by 11:00 am.

We dropped the kids off at my wife’s grandmother’s house and as we walked out the door, she got a message from her sister saying they thought it might be a small stroke and would be testing later in the day to be sure.

She called her sister for more details and asked if she needed to be there. The response was, “probably not”.

So, with 1 hour left before we had to leave, a decision had to be made. The party was an hour south of us. The hospital was an hour north. If we chose to continue with our plans, we would be at least two hours away from her mother if things got worse.

In addition, my wife was concerned with how it would look if we went. Her sister had been with her mom since the night before and we were contemplating going out partying rather than come visit. What kind of daughter would do that?

But on the other hand, we were already a couple hundred dollars invested in this evening. It was one of our few chances to actually dress up and enjoy a night out for a real celebration with our friends. If we went to the hospital, they would all just gripe that we didn’t need to break our plans just to come sit in a hospital room when it was probably nothing.

Men, don’t ever force your wife to make a decision like this. These are the moments you were created for. God designed you to be the leader, to make the hard choices and give your wife confidence that she can trust in you.

I told her to get her things together to go to the hospital. We packed a bag in case we needed to stay overnight. I called and cancelled our room reservation and informed our friends we wouldn’t make it. It sucked, but it was the choice we had to make.

We left the hospital around 8:00 last night. Turns out it was just an inner ear infection that was affecting her equilibrium. She is getting better and checking out today. We went out to eat last night, ate too much, and spent New Years Eve watching Tosh.0 on tv until midnight. We were too full to do anything else.

Sitting at the restaurant, my wife thanked me for making the decision. It was the only mature choice to make, but it really did cost us a great deal emotionally.

Here is the key point to this whole story gentlemen; I didn’t take away her freedom to choose, I took away the burden to choose.

You see, leadership is a burden and your shoulders are bigger than hers. You were designed to carry that weight. If you are the leader in your home, good for you. You are doing it right and I assure you that your wife appreciates it, even if she doesn’t always like it.

If you aren’t, figure out what you need to be doing differently and do it. We can talk later about the potential power struggle that will ensue if your wife is used to being in charge, but this isn’t about her; it’s about you, men. If you are not the leader in your home, why the hell not? What the hell is wrong with you that you would willingly refuse to accept your responsibility as the head of your household?

I hope the new year finds you with a renewed sense of purpose in defining and fulfilling your role in your household. Someone needs to make the hard choices and that someone needs to be you.

[post script: My wife advised me that I should include that our New Years ended well. We slept in until 9:30 this morning, the she got up, put on the sexy red nighty she had bought for after the ball, and proceeded to f@#k me silly.]

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8 thoughts on “Sometimes, Big Dick Decision Making Sucks

  1. I wish every married man on the planet would read this. I married my husband because he was such a great decision maker. Finally, someone else could be the designated driver in the relationship.
    of course, he ended up being an unmitigated douche bag who financially destroyed me, but that’s a whole other story!!

    • Sorry he turned out to be a douche bag. Unfortunately there is a high correlation between those two traits. Having a guy who knows how to make choices is great, until you find out that you have no say in anything.

      But it touches on my point that we men are responsible for making sure our choices benefit our wives and aren’t just about us.

      • I married an Alpha, and I have to say- sometimes, they ain’t such good husbands. Mine wasn’t.

        I know this violates the manosphere, but only betas for me in terms of relationships.

        Alphas for sex.

      • “Alphas only for sex?”

        Yes, we know this, but you do know that every time you say this, you kill a Beta?

        If you like betas and want more, try “betas only for sex”.

  2. I think you and my husband were separated at birth. When we first started dating he was always “accommodating”, trying to figure out my mood or what I would like to do. Eventually I just came out and said, “You have he dick, you make the decisions”. This wasn’t me giving up control, this was me saying “please take it”. It’s a stress relief to not always have to make a decision Things still get discussed and it’s not like I have no say, but he takes the lead. I love that. We are comfortable with gender roles though. I joke about “women’s lib” ruining things for woman like me. LOL I don’t really mean that, but I like being “the wife” and having my role just as much as I love that my husband is “the man”.

    Aside from me appreciating this post. Sorry that your night didn’t turn out like expected, but happy that you got to sleep in. What’s that like?

    Morning sex…..ahhhh… I miss those days. We usually wake up with two kids in the bed. Sigh…..

    • “Morning sex…..ahhhh… I miss those days. We usually wake up with two kids in the bed. Sigh….. ”

      Two words; Door lock. An essential for every bedroom where sex is going to take place.

      I might also suggest sleeping naked. They will only crawl in with you once…

      • Sound advice. Sadly they are both under two and we bring them in when they are crying. Sigh….

        Had to resort to garage sex today….. and it was 5 degrees… you do what you gotta do when school is cancelled and you are trapped at home with 4 kids.

  3. Pingback: Sometimes, Big Dick Decision Making Sucks | Tru...

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