Guys, I’m going to ask you to skip down a few paragraphs. I need to talk to the ladies in private for a moment.
Oh, you wonderful, sexy ladies. You’ve been naughty.
“Who me?” you ask in exaggerated indignation while you try to hide a smile, “Why I never!”
Oh yes you have. And I can prove it.
First, you’re reading a post about female sexual fantasies on a blog named The Big Dick Chronicles. For shame.
And second, you’re human.
That’s right. You are not alone in your delicious deviancy, and more importantly, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. We’re going to spend some time exploring just how “normal” some of your deepest desires are.
This is a touchy subject, and while I want to maintain a lighthearted atmosphere (my new motto for the blog is “self improvement..with dick jokes”), I don’t want to be crass or insensitive to reality. A lot of people, especially women, feel some level of guilt about their sexual fantasies. The list of reasons is endless; prior bad experiences, upbringing, skewed moral values, etc.
The question is, should you feel guilty? I’m going to make the argument that there is indeed a healthy range of fantasizing and I’m also going to encourage you to explore it.
But back to guilt for a moment, so we can get it out of the way. There is a segment of the population who report to having a shitload of fantasies and don’t feel bad about it.
But it isn’t who you think.
Imagine that. Couples who are highly satisfied with their sex lives are more open to exploring, and acknowledging, the topics and ideas that turn them on.
The guilt aspect often comes when people are already unhappy and feel their fantasies are a by-product of their sub-par sex life. “I wouldn’t be thinking about these things if we were happy.” Obviously, this could be true of some women, but most often it’s a correlation not causation issue. You are naturally going to fantasize, but your circumstances dictate how you respond to, and feel about, the presence of those fantasies.
We also have to consider how your partner feels about your fantasies. Sometimes, the guilt comes from the idea that you are disappointing or betraying your partner. There is a lot of debate, and disagreement, about how much you should share with your partner, but I want you to consider this thought;
The ability to share your fantasies with your partner is a barometer of the sexual health of your relationship. Therefore, we strongly encourage you to do so!
You see, we men desperately want to know what the hell is going on inside your heads.
Sometimes, we just want confirmation that something is going on inside your head. We want you to fantasize because we want you thinking about sex. The simple, self serving truth is that, when you spend more time thinking about sex, we’re going to be spending more time having sex.
Now, let’s use some common sense here. Don’t try to go from “zero disclosure” to “here’s everything I’ve ever thought about” in a single weekend. Take it slow and keep in mind that every time you hit a wall, it just means you have some other work to do.
Why would any man balk at hearing about your fantasies?
1. He may be intimidated by them.
We hate feeling insecure and if your fantasy leaves us feeling inferior, it’s going to be hard to discuss. For instance, it may take several conversations to explain to your guy that your ultimate fantasy is another three inches in length. You aren’t wrong for wanting that, you just have to be careful in your approach.
2. He may be afraid to acknowledge similar feelings.
You may have a guy with his own guilt issues and if your fantasies touch on his hidden fears, he’s going to balk. For example; you really want a threesome, but he has an almost violent aversion to being anywhere near another dude because this one time, at band camp…..
3. He may fear having to expose his own fantasies.
As much as you women might fantasize, we’ve got ya beat; both in volume and degree. You might admit to us that you spent five minutes thinking about the UPS man. Quid pro quo dictates we tell you that we’ve thought about every one of your sisters and cousins.
As much as I appreciate that my wife is extremely open with me, I have no intention of ever telling her that I like to fill my cowboy boots with Vaseline and walk around naked.
4. He may have an actual moral objection.
Oh, who are we kidding. Just suck his dick and bring it up again just before he explodes. Problem solved.
But we’re not here to talk about the guys. We’re here to talk about the ladies.
Oh, gentleman. I’m sorry, I forgot you were there. You may join us now.
I’ve made the executive decision that this series of posts will focus on the top five sexual fantasies of women only. Because, really, who cares what men are thinking? But just in case you actually want to know; here is an exhaustive overview of men’s fantasies.
1. Sex. With everyone who doesn’t have a penis.
2. Sex. With everyone who doesn’t have a penis, preferably all at the same time.
3. Sex. Anytime, anywhere.
4. Sex. Maybe with some whips and handcuffs.
5. Sex. Post penis reduction surgery so our backs don’t hurt so bad.
Do you feel better now?
Then let’s begin.
What constitutes a fantasy?
You think this would be easy wouldn’t you? But are we talking about a passing thought that strikes you while walking down the street? Is it limited to what runs through your head during “alone time”? Do those thoughts fall into the same category as the things you think about when it comes to sex?
Brett Kahr, the author of “Who’s Been Sleeping In Your Head?” defines a fantasy as “a conscious thought…depicting a sexual act..sexual imagery and often sexual language which in many instances will produce pleasurable sensations ranging from mental enjoyment to physical stimulation of the genitalia.”
So, basically, a nerdy scientific way of saying “thoughts that get you off or make you feel sexy.”
In the interest of due diligence, let’s acknowledge that the possibilities for what constitutes a fantasy are endless. And whatever yours may be, I applaud you. We’re going to focus on the most common sexual fantasies as documented by multiple studies and surveys. If you’re personal preference isn’t on the list, don’t feel slighted. We could spend months trying to be exhaustive.
So without further ado; the five most common female sexual fantasies.
1. Sex with a stranger
2. Being worshiped in bed/Female dominance
3. Being dominated
4. Exhibitionism/being observed
5. Threesomes/group sex
Those are some broad categories and it’s going to take some time to go through this. And research. Lots and lots of research. But I do it so you don’t have to.
You don’t have to thank me. It’s no trouble.
Over the next five posts, we’re going to explore these most common areas of sexual fantasy. I have to warn you though, it’s going to be more scientific than salacious. What drives our fantasies? Why do these things appeal to us? When are we okay to act on them?
And most importantly, can they add value to your relationships?
I can’t ask you to consider being more open in your relationship without giving you some insight on what we’ve experienced in our own.
It took us four years to figure out how to talk about sex. For four years, we were your typical awkward, uncomfortably silent couple. Our breakthrough came when I went on the road for several months. Somehow, the safety of talking over the phone allowed us to open up about how we were handling the time apart.
When we finally got back together, we were able to continue those conversations and realized that we actually wanted to talk about sex. We wanted to explore. We wanted to make it more fun. And most importantly, we could. We could make it more enjoyable. We could learn about each other, about what we actually wanted (or didn’t want) without upsetting one another.
Fast forward ten years. By now, she knows all about my fantasies of baking cupcakes nude with her and her sister. I’m pretty sure that she knows about everything but the cowboy boots.
I’m not authorized to tell you about my wife’s fantasies. I’ll just tell you I’m a very luck guy.
Up next, the number one female sexual fantasy; Sex with a stranger.