Saved for revision.


Am I Really That Shallow?

Brian says,

“Am I really that shallow?

 Surely I’m not the only one that gets that “giddy, I’m 13 years old and just found out the cute girl that I never pay attention to 3 rows behind me likes me” feeling when an attractive, unknown person of the opposite sex sends a Facebook friend request?
 You don’t have to answer…I know its not just me. 
But I wish it were, if it was, that would mean that its a defect in my personality and not a condition of the heart that always wants to be desired by “someone new”…(that was the downfall of my marriage, on my wife’s side) and I don’t like the idea that her flaw is affecting the “single” me…but it is:-(
 As of this moment, I am “casually” dating 3-4 beautiful women and sleeping with 2 of them…you would think that I would feel completely satisfied and have no need for any extra attention…you’d be wrong!
 After a fairly uneventful day with not much communication with my “soft harem” ( a despicable term that Adam has engrained in my head) I receive a friend request on my iPhone while cooking dinner for my girls & instantly…my libido skyrockets as I look at the girls profile…(we have 1 common friend…thats a plus… she is 7 years younger…things are looking up & she’s gorgeous…I’m on top of the world), I’ve got a smile on my face and a hop in my step from a unknown woman’s click on her smartphone who doesn’t know me.
Hell yeah, I'd hit that.

Hell yeah, I’d hit that.

Is that really all it takes…? I know I should be past this, but its a longer road than I expected.
 I know I need to be happy and content just being (single Brian, father of two great young girls) but I want to be desired by all…just like my X-wife wanted…the only difference between the two of us is that there was a piece of paper and a covenant between the two of us and god that we would forsake all others…for once, I can empathize with her.
 No greater drug exists than that of flattery and the allure of “what could be”…my apologies to anyone reading this addicted to crystal meth…that shits a Bitch! 
crystal meth
Post script: It turned out to be fake. Brian’s awesomely hot chick was a catfisher. If it sounds to good to be true, she’s probably a dude.

WWZMD: What Would Zack Morris Do?

Brian says,

I suppose I’ll join the party.

After reading one of Adam’s recent posts I realized that I had  just received a verbal “bitch slap” from my much more talented and intelligent but less attractive and far less cool friend for not contributing enough to our efforts to educate the recovering “nice guys”. I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring.


 Growing up in the late 80s & early 90s, there was no greater influence on how I wanted to be perceived than Zack Morris from “Saved by the Bell”.

As a home schooled kid in rural Missouri, that show was the only reality as to what school or being a cool kid was going to be like if I ever got to go to school.

Zack always had a plan, never put in all of the work (he had Screech for that… I have Adam!!!…I’ll take Adam!) and in the end, everything wound up making Zack out to be the hero & the one who knew it would all work out. That’s what I wanted.

Needless to say, when I attended school starting in 6th grade, my TV education did not give me the desired effect. With a bow tie on and absolute no friends, I was not Zack Morris (hell, i wasn’t even Screech), I…was an “Extra”!

Not even important enough for anyone to care about my name, but that was a good life lesson. I have always been a fast talker and very “quippy” (a trait that did not benefit me in middle school,  a time where “Bullies” were not hated and stopped & looked down upon, but rather used as “enforcers” by the popular clicks to do there bidding), after a few broken noses and a good “spit in the face in front of the entire gym class” I decided to just employ passive resistance as opposed to not being such a smart ass! Because, HEY…I’m not gonna change who I am just to save myself from a few ass beatings.

                                             Fast forward to present day.

 I’m not a list maker, but there is always “an order” to do things in, and I didn’t do it right after the divorce. I jumped into a relationship that I had no business being in given my current state, and as expected (and predicted by Adam… Damn, I hate it when he’s right…but he always is!… he’s like a card counter playing “magic the gathering”… 10 minuets into the game and he can tell everyone playing what they have left in there hand, the order in which they will play it and exactly how the game will end…with him winning… its a blessing and a curse) the relationship ended and I decided it was time to start the process of “doing things in the right order”.

Counseling, books on boundaries, and the Divorce Class were on my agenda and I have no problem with any of them, in fact, I like them… it was while attending the 1st divorce recovery class at the church I attend that I had my first chance to be the “Good looking, smooth talking, always has the answer” Zack Morris!

 When asked if anyone wanted to share there story, I instantly shot my hand up like an arrow shooting straight to the sun…being careful not to do it in a way that might put off some of the more depressed singles in the room, of which I was the only man. After a very edited version of my grief and loss leading up to my divorce, my audience had a look of shock and appreciation at what I had just said. I had struck pay dirt on day one. 

 From that point on, the leaders have looked to me for input and insights into the lessons.  The humorous thing is, I’m not always prepared for the class and usually come into it not having read all of the lesson.  The “Kelly Kapowski” of the class sits directly to my right and I can tell that every week she knows that I come in unprepared and ill equipped to be the classes shining star and is waiting for “comeuppance, but it doesn’t happen. With a last minute nugget from Adam or a piece of seemingly useless trivia, I can always make a point that gets the whole class to nod in unison and give a good “yeah…that’s right Brian…Good point”.

 That’s when I flash “Kelly” a Devilish grin and she realizes that I’ve done it again !!! 

 I’m slowly coming to the realization, judging by the looks in there eyes as the class lets out, that I have become Zack Morris & that they hate the fact that I’ve done it again but at the same time love the fact that I’m that confident…and that is being “BIG DICK!!”

                                      So,” What Would Zack Morris Do?”

                                          Two chicks at the same time!


Sure, I can do a three call!

Sure, I can do a three way…phone call!

Big Dick Decision Making pt 2

A follow up to the Decision Making post.

So, focusing on the theme of, ” I saw an opportunity for something I wanted and I took it”, Brian had an interesting experience last week.

Following some heavy chatting with a prospective date, he made the decision to simply show up at her door at 10:30 pm, pulling his shirt off as he walked to the door like he was Channing Tatum or something. He sent a message telling her to step outside when he get there and then.. well hell, I’ll just let him tell it.

“As far as that goes (seeing an opportunity and just taking it) that’s something that I think is engrained in me and always has been, but I’ve never applied it to women. I’ve been complimented for years as the guy who, when he starts a project, always finishes it. So I had no problem applying the assertiveness to getting a project done around the house, but it never occurred to me to be that assertive in a relationship.

I think, really, the first time I really applied it and realized that it worked, was in meeting S in the parking lot. And Big Dick says you walk up and you take her breath away. It seemed like an obvious choice to do, but not without nerves, because she called and postponed it by 30 minutes, so I had 30 more minutes to sit and think about how fucked it could be if I did it the wrong way, some kid walks up and says, “Ms. L, is he hurting you?”

And she calls, says, “hey I’m pulling in the parking lot” and it’s a split decision. Okay Brian, you’ve always been the guy in other areas of your life that has absolutely grabbed life by the lips and yanked as hard as you could. Are you going to do it? Yes you are. You gotta make the decision. So I get out and I look in. We are right across from Orange Leaf and there’s a table full of kindergarten kids sitting right there by the window. And I thought, “you know what, I could cost her her job.” And I start walking towards her and decided that I don’t even care right now.

And so, with as successful as that was, I applied it three nights later when I decided, when I got off the phone, that I’m going to go over to her house. I don’t care. I’m going to drive over there, if I drive over and I can’t get her information, I’ve wasted 15 minutes.

I’d never realized the same success and the same kudos that I get for sitting on a Tuesday and deciding to do this little backboard and dartboard project at the house and you get it done and people go, wow, sure wish my husband would do something like that.

It never occurred to me that it would be just as successful, their response is exactly the same when you are that way sexually. Her reaction when I got there was better than I had hoped. There is a fine line. I don’t want to do it do much, but you don’t want to stop  doing what’s working.”

That’s Big Dick decision making in action.

Channing Tatum appoves

Channing Tatum appoves